Friction

More than just a force of physics

Feb 27, 2024

I recently did a social media cleanse with a friend of mine as a challenge/experiment to learn more about my relationship with those platforms and to hopefully uncover some insights I could reflect upon in terms of my personal habits. Though “dopamine detox” are buzzwords flying around at the moment, my intention wasn’t directed to that effect. It was really intended for me to examine my behaviors and thought patterns without this component interrupting, distracting, or occupying my attention.

My hypothesis was that without the ability to send little DM memes or messages to people, I would be more intentional with my communication and seek out individuals in the long-form mediums of calls, FaceTimes, and coffee dates. I also assumed that I would break my habit of checking my phone for notifications, and that in turn would free up mental real estate to invest in other areas of my life.

The scientific literature is abundant supporting the positive mental health benefits of face-to-face interactions, and deeper conversations. I was eager to see if this would be a reality I experienced. Unfortunately, after two weeks, the isolation from a lack of short-term/low intimacy connections drastically outweighed what I hypothesized would be a positive with less frequent, more intimate connections. Humans are busy people, and it takes effort from both parties to make the long-form interactions come to fruition. My case study is N of one, and other people might have a life structured in such a way that it is more natural (aka less friction in place) to schedule and execute longer form conversations with others, but I had limited success.

The other thought that I kept ruminating on in regards to my relationship to social media, was that I entered into the challenge with the full understanding that I wasn’t trying to eliminate social media from my life. The new ‘habits’ I formed during the challenge weren’t necessarily going to become the norm, because I had already determined that the conditions to which the habits were in place to serve were subject to change again. So what it really came down to was acknowledging that I wasn’t happy with my current social media relationship, and I wanted to pressure test certain changes to see if they would serve me in improving my relationship in the long-run. More on this to come.

This post is not intended to be a detailed breakdown on the science of habit formation or destruction, but rather an approach to understand how you can reframe your current scenario to produce an insight that gives you more information to obtain your desired outcome.

Friction

The resistance that one surface or object encounters when moving over another.
The action of one surface or object rubbing against another.
Conflict or animosity caused by a clash of wills, temperament, or opinions.

I’m sure we are all familiar with the first two definitions of friction from our high school physics class and even just from our objective experiences of life on earth. They are very physical/tangible interpretations of the phenomenon and have many direct applications in our daily lives, but I want to dive more into the third definition listed above, and explore the relevance of friction as it pertains to our psychology and sociology.

There seems to be a negative connotation associated with the word friction, as if it is something to avoid. But I think a better way to view friction is as a dial that you have direct access to, and want to adjust depending on the situation at hand. It’s important to view it as a dial and not a switch, because there are infinite degrees of friction. It’s not just an on, off mechanism. Catering the degree of friction to your subsequent scenario will yield tremendous benefits. Let me explain.

In my former role as a marketing strategist, I encountered what was known as user friction—anything that keeps a user from accomplishing a desired action on a website or app. All the technology in our life is designed to eliminate friction. AI helps us get information faster, Uber helps us find rides faster, texting helps us communicate faster. Faster, faster, faster. When we say something is very user friendly, we basically mean it’s intuitive with minimal friction between the user and the desired outcome of that user.

Think about the last time you had a bad digital experience. Your internet was maybe running a little slow because you were using your phone as a personal hotspot and the YouTube video you were trying to watch was only viewable in 720hd. A boarderline traumatic experience I bet. (Yes, that’s a joke). We have become acclimated to such a frictionless life that just the slightest resistance can cause turmoil. Successful marketing strategies move users through a full journey with minimal opportunities or reasons to deviate from completing the course/intended action. Low friction.

Friction is much like fire. When we think about fire, sure it can have deadly consequences and cause great destruction. But the same flame that can burn your house down is also the very flame that will keep you warm in the winter. That will boil your water to make craft mac-n-cheese. That will allow you to fill a room with the beautiful scent of a candle.

Like fire, friction is not necessarily good or bad, it is about your perspective of it. Humans learn through friction in the mind. Challenging your brain changes the neural connections it makes. Challenging your body hardens your muscles and increases the efficiency of your metabolic processes. Friction is what allows us to become better versions of ourselves.

“Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty… I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life. I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well.” -Theodore Roosevelt

My favorite scientist, Andrew Huberman, has coined the term Limbic Friction which he defines as the strain that is required to overcome one of two states; either anxiousness or distraction, or being too tired, lazy, or unmotivated. It’s the level of effort/activation energy you need to engage in a particular behavior, or rephrased, how much conscious override is necessary to engage in that particular activity. Limbic friction is person dependent and activity dependent. For some, the limbic friction could be exceptionally high to workout at 5am. For others it’s nearly nonexistent.

An individual’s limbic friction for the same activity is subject to change depending on their circumstances as well. The individual that enjoys working out at 5am might not be too eager to roll out of bed at 4:30am if they were out to dinner with friends until midnight the previous day. Thus, they experienced higher limbic friction for the activity they normally had moderately low levels of limbic friction with.

Because limbic friction is about tapping into specific neural circuits in our autonomic nervous system, there is also limbic friction when we have high autonomic arousal and are trying perform a task that requires a lower state of activation. For example, one may find it extremely hard to to concentrate on a meditation practice if they just chugged 300mg of caffeine and are stressed about their mid-term paper due later that day. There is limbic friction in trying to go from high stress to low stress.

A similar concept is put for by Steven Pressfield in the first section of his book, “The War of Art,” where he talks about the single greatest enemy in our lives: Resistance. We all face it when setting out to accomplish our goals. It’s this negative, energy-field, repelling force that distracts us and prevents us from doing our work. Resistance presents us with a series of plausible, rational justification for why we shouldn’t do our work, and keeps us from maximizing our potentials. It’s all the ways limbic friction shows up in our lives that prevent us from taking action.

Pressfield goes on to provide two more sections in his book on how to combat resistance and continue the positive cycles of self-growth. Huberman has multiple podcast episodes dedicated to explaining the science/biology around habit creation, and how you can lean into your neurochemistry to overcome limbic friction.

One other tool he gives is leveraging linchpin habits. Linchpin habits are those that make it easier to execute other habits. These are things that we enjoy doing. Think of them as momentum building habits that help you to grease the wheels to keep the train moving towards those habits with higher levels of limbic friction.

“Once our minds are set in a direction, they tend to continue in that direction unless acted upon by some outside force." - Leonard Mlodinow on cognitive inertia

But sometimes, it’s not a mater of changing our internal dialogue, biology, or willpower to take on limbic friction, but a matter of changing our environment. In my last article “Metacognition,” a portion of it was dedicated to explaining the four personal behavioral defaults that Shane Parrish outlines in his book, “Clear Thinking.” Shane says to “think of your defaults as patterns of thinking, feeling, and acting as algorithms you’ve been programmed to run unconsciously in response to inputs from other people or the environment.”

Many of our algorithms are programmed through the cultures, rituals and communities we inject ourselves in. It’s commonly said that you adopt the habits of the people you spend the most time with. There is high limbic friction associated with “going against the grain.” That’s why group-think exists. It’s why people say they are social drinkers/smokers. We tend to naturally conform to the actions and behaviors of a group out fear of being ostracized.

Shane makes it clear that nearly everyone loses in the long-run if all they do is rely on willpower. The energy to say “no” wears people down. You might be able to stand firm against the current of a river, but sooner or later you’ll get swept into it. So to address that, we must find ways to not let the conversation/situation require a “no” to begin with. “What may look like discipline often involves a carefully created environment to encourage certain behaviors….it’s easier to align yourself with the right behavior when everyone else is already doing it.”

If you don’t want to drink, don’t go to the bar. The way to improve your natural defaults/habits isn’t by willpower, but creating an intentional environment where your desired behaviors is the default behavior. Instead, suggest going for a hike or to an arcade center in order to adjust the inputs of your habitual algorithm. What you’re doing essentially, is lowering the friction associated with achieving your desired behavior (habit), and increasing the friction associated with the undesirable behavior (habit) by simply changing your environment.

The point I’m hoping to communicate here is that when we have a certain goal or objective, it’s important to understand how forces of friction, whether psychological or sociological are a component of the puzzle. When you want to change something, expect there to be friction. But it’s also up to you to decide the degree to which you want that friction in the equation.

Our brains form neural pathways as a way to reduce the cognitive load and energy of living. If we had to constantly learn how to walk, how to pick up a fork, or how to type on a keyboard our lives would be much different. Our brain and nervous system adjust to form connections that streamline the processes that eventually get stored in our basal ganglia (subconscious portion of the brain). Evolutionarily, we evolved and developed in ways to conserve energy, as to have the best chance at survival and producing offspring. That is to say, we are naturally wired to seek the path of least resistance/friction.

Where it becomes paradoxical is when we reflect on my statement early, that in order to grow, mentally, physically, emotionally etc, we need some sort of friction. Some sort of opposition that forces our conscious brains to be at attention or our muscles to be in use. When we want to become better versions of ourselves we have to seek out friction. We have to acknowledge limbic friction for what it is, and override it with deliberate action.

Friction can be painful. Maybe not physically, but it changes our perceptions of time. When you’re struggling through something, time always seems to tick slower than when you’re in that flow state of joy. I’ve noticed that in times of friction, I’m more likely to be in a state of self-consciousness, in that I’m acknowledging the difficulty of the situation I’m in and I’m thinking a lot about myself. It’s not fun, and mentally exhausting. The opposite is the case when I’m in a “flow-state” and I’m not thinking about myself at all, but rather directing my energy outward towards an external loci.

I am no expert when it comes to leveraging friction to accomplish my goals, but everyday I’m becoming more aware of the ways it shows up in my life. When my alarm goes off at 5:45am, I have the thought that it would be nice to just sleep in a little bit more. But then I immediately acknowledge that that thought is exactly the Resistance Steven Pressfield talks about. It’s limbic friction at work first thing in my day. As soon as I am able to recognize it for what it is, I can choose actions according to my conscious goals, rather than my subconscious desires.

I don’t want to you to think that this new mindset is some sort of hidden motivational energy reserve to get you fired up every time your facing a difficult situation. What I really want you to take away from this is that we are all humans, and we are a product of our biology and psychology. The more aware we are, the more information we have as inputs to our neural algorithms. With more inputs we can hopefully be more successful in achieving the outputs we desire.

To improve my relationship with technology and social media, I’ve changed the degrees of friction associated with their accessibility and usability. I’ve created some rules for myself that force me to be more conscious of my interactions with social media and my phone use in general. If you have found this informative please comment below! Would love to hear more about how these articles relate to you as well!