The Facade of Reality

Not everything is how it seems

Last weekend I was reading an article a friend sent me talking about new software and product capabilities his company was developing. It was well written and presented everything in a favorable light, which you would expect since the company is promoting it’s value to the world and wants to put its best foot forward. Though I had no malice towards article, or felt as though I wasn’t getting the truth, the wheels were turning in my head and making connections to many other parts of life where what’s said isn’t necessarily the full truth. Let me digress.

My first job in DC was with a small government contractor doing business development (BD). To elaborate, business development in the landscape of government contracting means that my role within the company was searching for contracts the government had posted on a ‘contract vehicle’, evaluating whether my company’s capabilities could perform said contract, and then ultimately responding to the contract with a written proposal stating explicitly why we could provide/perform the terms and services for that contract at competitive price.

To get onboarded to the team and up to speed with expectations in the role, I reviewed some of the previous proposals we had submitted and subsequently won. I was amazed at the level of detail and capability my company was able to provide. The writing wasn’t creative by any means, but the various “proof points” (you’ll see why these are in quotations) and explanations for why we could perform the work, established credibility in my head that I chose a cool job with a company that was doing great things.

That came to a crashing halt once it was my turn to lead a project proposal and submission a few months later. After finding a contact that fit the performance profile of what my company had done previously, we decided to commit a team to submit a proposal for this contract. Because it was my first time leading a proposal effort, my manager chimed in with feedback pretty consistently. But every time they chimed in, it seemed like we were getting further away from the research and discussions I was having with our teammates and subcontractors at the grassroots level. My manager kept wanting it to have these buzzwords and sexy tools to catch the eyes of the those awarding the contract. Sure they sounded cool but they didn’t accurately convey how we would be going about executing on the asks within the contract. It was the classic case of wanting to sound smart in a room of people in the hopes that they respect you and see you in a favorable light.

One of the craziest example of the buzzword effect was we proposed the government a tool called the CHIEF Tracker (name changed for confidentiality sakes) that could analyze data, derive insights from it, and then provide actionable suggestions to optimize the contract personnel all in one place. “Wow that sound amazing!” Well that tool was literally Bob who sat one cubicle over from me. He looked at excel sheets all day, and occasionally brought two dozen donuts to the office. Nothing fancy or out of the norm. CHIEF Tracker sounds way sexier though, I must admit, but the individual reading the proposal is not getting an accurate representation of the promise being made.

Where I noticed it get even worse was in the rounds of review. Once the first draft of the proposal was written, we would go line by line and make changes to “perfect the language.” Well, perfecting the language basically entailed a further exaggeration of reality. We were making edits to information that was already distorted once. So now we were two deviation away from the truth that I had seen in my original research and interviews with those that would be performing the work. Very much the same effect as the game of telephone. What you end with is a fraction of what you started with.

Needless to say, it left an extremely sour taste on my moral conscience as we were promising a performance to the US taxpayer that we could not guarantee even on our best day.

This article is not suppose to be a philosophical debate about truth, reality or morality. I’m sure every philosophy 101 course in college has students write essays exploring these topics, and there’s more than enough internet forums out there if you really want to go further down the rabbit hole on any of them. Rather I wanted to use this space to describe a common trend I’m seeing in the world where parties appear to be in subjective agreement on reality but are actually misunderstanding one another.

One area where it’s hard to get an accurate perception of people/reality is in the professional workspace. Whether it be reading resumes, going on LinkedIn, applying for a role, or simply asking how someone likes their job, the information being signaled and communicated is hardly an accurate reflection. Here are two comedic examples to get the ball rolling.

As you can see, the professional branding that one chooses on social media can be laughable. These are exaggerated examples but that aren’t far from actual posts and profiles that I’ve come across. The argument that’s made in support of this approach is, “Well you have to play the game.” It’s come to be commonplace that you signal an inflated sense of self and accomplishment in order to maintain a certain credibility. You’re not lying, no, but you’re hardly telling the truth.

The problem is, the whole market now operates this way. When you are filling out your performance achievement feedback forms and documenting the value you brought to the firm/company where you work, you jazz it up with the artistic version of the story/facts. Your boss reads that and summarizes it on there performance feedback recap for the CEO and you quickly see how out of touch with reality you can get by conveying an extended version of the truth. How do we expect leaders to make educated decisions when their understanding of the picture is crooked?

If you play this game, the consequence that stand lurking is that next time you’re asked to do something, you won’t have the confidence to actually back up what you originally said you did. The CEO might say, “Wow I read your profile and past accomplishments and think you’ll be the perfect candidate to spearhead this new initiative I have planned.” “Oh crap, he called my ‘bluff’ and now I have to deliver for real.” Truth hurts.

This is where I propose always adding the outcome and/or ‘so what’ to the picture. Don’t just tell the journey about what you did, explain the impact it had. It’s great to say you organized an event by calling multiple vendors, hiring a DJ, catering food, etc. But what if only one person showed up? You didn’t lie, but you haven’t told the full story. In other words, how effective were you at what you said you did?

In my previous role we spent millions of dollars investing in these elaborative, strategic ads. We would go through rounds and rounds of review, approval sign offs and testing. We would have brainstorming sessions to optimize the consumer journey and meet them at all the right communication channels. We then would place it in the market and… 4 people like it on FB. You can’t tell me that’s an effective process or strategy.

It doesn’t have to be just in the written form though where we see distorted reality. So often when we ask someone ‘what they do for work’, we get their contractual title, which can sound sexy: “Senior Associate Analytic Strategic Consultant.” Like WTF does that even mean though. And for a quick detour, the other problem in the professional space is that common titles like Associate, Analyst, Manager mean drastically different things depending on the industry and on the company. So in reality it communicates nothing to individuals outside that work ecosystem and really only serves as a source to power an ego.

The other response we might get to the question of ‘what they do for work’ is the condensed, yet boastful job description they have come to recite every time they get asked that question. The conversation could look something like this

Me: “Hey, so what do you do for work?”

Them: “I do financial analysis and prediction for a fortune 500 company exploring the intersection of crypto currencies and philanthropic donations.”

Me: “Ok, so explain that to me. I’m not very familiar with finance.”

Them: “So we look at financial models that …. (buzzword buzzword buzzword)

Me: “Sounds awesome.” (Zero freaking clue what that person does)

Does this happen all the time? No. It would be hypocritical of me to exaggerate when I’m specifically highlighting exaggerated behavior. But I think we have all encountered this scenario in our life, and its more prevalent than we should wish it to be.

In order to have a shot at breaking down the unknown and getting a clearer look at the situation, I’ve found that you have to ask the person, “So what do you do on a day to day basis? What’s your typical day look like?” The buzzwords slowly fade and you get closer to the unveiling of their daily reality. It’s in that conversation you see the human behind all the professional attire.

And from my experience, once we start describing our typical day we connect more. We realize that our journeys through work have many commonalities across professions and the job titles hold little weight. We have days we feel incompetent. We have days we feel like imposters. We have days that are so boring we set countdown timers until the misery can officially be over. We have co-workers that drive us crazy. Unfortunately, I must add in here, when you ask a company what the day-to-day of the job looks like, you don’t get the same response. “Oh you really never know what’s going to happen day-to-day. One day it’s this, the next it’s this.” When you hear that just assume the BS meter is full. Everyday you’re on your computer, it is just a matter of if you’re in excel, powerpoint, or word. Don’t believe the hype. It’ll help manage your expectations, trust me.

Even better than asking someone what they do, I’ve found that simply being open about the reality of your work invites others to be more transparent about their experiences. I recently connected with an alum from my undergrad institution because he wanted to learn more about my role as a consultant and the industry as a whole. I made an effort early on in the conversation to let my guard down and be as transparent as possible with him. I told him the pros of the job, but I talked at length regarding the cons. Midway through the conversation he just said, “Thank you for this honesty it really means a lot. To be frank, I’ve had enough of my job and it’s just a grind to get through the day. I want to make a change but I don’t know where to start.” The last thing I wanted to do was paint the picture that the grass was so much greener on the consulting side of the house relative to where he was.

Without boasting my ego too much, I had a feeling the moment he reached out that he probably didn’t like his job, and that I would be hearing that line. One, because not too long ago I was in his shoes, and two, because I’ve been seeing these feelings manifest more and more with people I interact with.

Now, some people love what they do. That is wonderful and needs to be cherished because it’s not the norm. From my anecdotal experience though, most people are pretty much tolerating their jobs. This is especially true for the younger professionals that are operating in hybrid/remote work environments. As a society we have praised the perks of remote and hybrid work, and tout that productivity in the work place hasn’t decreased so therefore it must be the way forward.

But I would be quick to push back here, or at least play devil’s advocate. Most people will not talk negatively about remote work because it goes against the social grain. Publicly no one will attack remote work. Privately though, it’s a cause of trouble for the younger generations/professionals.

People going into the workplace for the first time now sit at home, alone, for 24-40 hours a week. They don’t interact with co-workers outside of zoom calls. They have no sense of community, and I would go as far to say they have no identity. Sure, sweatpants are comfortable, but getting dressed and taking action over your day will always bring more fulfillment.

The results of this are millions of young people feeling lonely. And the catch 22 is that no one really wants to talk about it. If you get to work remote, it’s seen as a positive, and if you complain that you don’t like working remote now you’re outcasting yourself as a whiner who can’t appreciate what they have. “You have to take advantage of the flexibility! You have freedom, and you don’t have to go into the office, so you can travel the world while you work.”

Much easier said than done. Young professionals don’t actually have the means to benefit much from the perks of hybrid/remote work. They don’t have kids that require attention. They don’t have the financial ability to travel the manner that is assumed possible simply because there work is based around a computer. They also don’t have the reputation/relationship yet with their managers to allow them flexibility in the work day, because as Cal Newport explains, managers still see productivity as being online. The perception that if you can respond to a ping or email quickly means you are working and contributing to company success. We all know that’s so far from the truth.

But no one wants to break the ice about that reality because they don’t want to be the one at work that says to their teammate that they’re unhappy everyday. Instead of thinking that the honesty will allow them to connect with their co-workers, they see the potential that it ostracizes them from the team and signals they aren’t committed to the company. It’s a lose-lose situation.

Since Covid-19 public trust has been waning. News headlines are increasingly misleading. Bits and pieces of data are picked out to tell biased stories. And faith in established institutions is at an all time low.

It won’t change this reality overnight, but I encourage you to be more transparent in all walks of your life. Don’t inflate your ego and pride to impress others because in your heart of hearts you know your conscience doesn’t believe that. Your conscience always keeps score. I always loved the quote, “There is no success without moral success,” because it goes to show that cheating yourself in the journey stays with you regardless of the outcome.

I’ll end with a quote yet again from Jordan Peterson. “The basis of the highest form of Faith is the decision to accept the proposition that whatever happens if you live in truth is by definition the best thing that can possible happen despite you inability, as a consequence of your limitations, to have the wisdom to see that.” He says, “It’s a statement of faith because there’s no way of demonstrating the validity of that proposition before enacting the hypothesis.