Take Advice with a Pound of Salt

Very rarely is there ever one right way/best way

Not to beat a dead horse, but when I was prepping for the talk I gave to a cohort of my coworkers in May, I had contemplated talking about my experience with advice being overrated. Not sure the senior managers who were going to be speaking at the panel right after me would have liked it, but I was thinking I would be able to impart some insights on the group (as ironic as that sounds—giving advice about not taking advice.) My better judgement said to hold off and write about it later.

This isn’t an absolute take. Meaning it doesn’t apply in every scenario. And don’t get me wrong, many times advice can be great. But having the awareness to the reality of what advice is, and how an individual formulated it, you realize it might not hold as much potency for you as it does for that person. When an individual gives advice it’s a product of that individual’s experience to date, education, life circumstances, and situational scenarios that create a unique vantage point of life for them. As empathic as they may be, their life has been lived through their eyes, their brain, and their consciousness.

To get to where they are in life today, by default they had to live the life that they lived. That is, they are exactly where they are today because of the actions, choices, and stimuli that has comprised their life. Everyone’s journey to the their present self is 100% unique to them. Even if you were to walk 5 miles in someone else’s shoes, it would still be through the vantage point of your own consciousness. Not theirs.

It’s natural and common to admire people for their ‘successes in life.’ I put that in quotes because success is purely subjective and determined by the values/aspirations you have as an individual.

The following observation is using a blanket definition of success, meaning not everyone would be in agreement that this ‘individual’ is successful, but based on the general Western cultural norms and standards, the average person would qualify this person as being successful. Examples most Western society people would deem as successful include, CEO of fortune 500 company, senior executive at a tech company in Silicon Valley, or being a famous actor/actress. This vision of success can also be distilled down to a more relatable level and it’s the person that’s two rungs above you on the ladder within your own profession. If you’re a junior product analysts for a software firm, it’s the senior product manager a few levels above you that you would qualify as successful in your field or at least within your firm.

One common trend that surfaces all so often in talks when these ‘successful’ people give advice to ‘aspiring successful’ people is they will say “don’t do what I did.” They point out how they had to sacrifice other aspects of their life and livelihood in order to achieve their ‘success’ and want to warn others that it may not be worth it. But there is an inherent paradox to the situation. They got to where they are because of what they did. Taking their advice might actually steer you away from your goal/ambition if your goal is to be standing in as near of position as possible to this ‘successful individual’.

The manger that says don’t work past 5pm and go home to your family may have gotten the position because their superiors saw them devoted to the job above and beyond their peers who left the office at 5 o’clock to coach their kid’s soccer team. So when they say ‘‘don’t do what I did,’’ it assumes that you don’t have to make the sacrifices they did and you can still get the same outcome. Could there be other ways to get to that position? Most likely yes, but other sacrifices and dynamics would be at play making the original advice more obsolete.

This next quote is comedic but there is substance to it.

“All I’m saying is, if I were a billionaire, I’d tell all my aspiring rivals that the secret to success was getting up at 4am and taking cold showers.”

Think of all the YouTube influencers out there or professionals that say “just do this…” Just mix in some apply cider vinegar to your morning water and you’ll feel great. Just do a 5 minute cold plunge to dial in your dopamine system. Etc. If just doing the same thing as someone else worked, wouldn’t it be much easier to be as successful as the person you are modeling your behavior off of? You just have to do everything they do. Simple as that.

I think we would all agree that it’s not that easy. Which is to say taking that person’s advice, whether directly or indirectly, doesn’t guarantee any sort of progress towards your goal, because we are all unique individuals living in a world that doesn’t play fair. Don’t get me wrong (*caveats to everything), some people might have great structure and discipline in their life, and when you adopt a very similar approach to your life, you see positive results. There still are general implementations that will undoubtedly yield benefits to your life, but many times they are the non-sexy, monotonous tasks that everyone else avoids.

“What looks like skill, is often consistent discipline. We often fixate on the visible and exciting, overlooking that most success comes from consistently doing the mundane, unglamorous work that few notice.” -Shane Parrish

There is a word that is defined and highlighted at the CrossFit Level 1 seminar, where aspiring coaches and fitness enthusiasts go to get grounded in the foundations of CrossFit: the word is virtuosity - doing the common uncommonly well. Obviously it was described in the context of fitness. “Don’t expect to be able to clean and jerk 315 pounds if you can’t do good air squats,” the trainer would say. But it is advice that can be taken and applied to great affect across many modalities of life. Our modern world is increasingly growing impatient and looking for quick fixes when the solution is to slow down and accumulate a body of work that leaves no doubt as to the reason for your success.

Continuing on the topic of virtuosity, I was reading George Mack’s newsletter the other week and it coincided immaculately with the point I wanted to make in this article. The following ideas are his so I don’t want to take credit for them, but felt compelled to share them in the light of the conversation around advice.

George make the observation that in tennis we have bore witness to a unique phenomenon: the three greatest players of all time are competing in the same two decades. Federer. Nadal. Djokovic. 

Matthew Syed, a journalist, tells a story of watching the three warm up. When Nadal warmed up, it was pure aggression. His biceps were bulging. He sprinted up and down like a man possessed. His shirt was dripping in sweat.

When Djokovic warmed up, it was pure emotionless calibration. He was measured and scientific with every shot.

When Federer warmed up, you could hear him giggling before he arrived. He’s doing trick shots, caressing the ball and exploring his own creativity.

The beautiful lesson from this is that the three GOAT’s (Greatest of All Time) existed and excelled at the exact same time. But all three had unique approaches to their craft that proved there was no “right way” of doing things. There wasn’t a cookie cutter template for tennis stardom.

Had Nadal tried to approach the profession of tennis with the same routine and ritual as Federer, he may not have performed to the level that he did. And had Federer choose to not express his emotions like his counterpart Djokovic does, he may not have been his best self.

In the age of infinite information on the internet, it’s so easy to download a new guru’s advice without asking: “Will this work for me?”

When someone gives you advice, sandbox it and ask: Are they giving me the Nadal approach? The Djokovic approach? The Federer approach?

To conclude this piece, I leave you with the follow quote.

“Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever the f*** you were going to do anyways.”

- Robert Downey Jr.